The Crimes of the Covert Narcissist

The Crimes of the Covert Narcissist: Numerous metaphors are used to describe covert narcissists: demons, vampires, the embodiment of evil, etcetera. The list goes on and these terms are appropriate as well as useful in that they give insight into the type of creeps these covert narcissists are below the surface. But what exactly are these covert narcissists guilty of? What are their crimes, their sins? Well part of the problem is that the covert narcissist is covert, they are very adept at hiding their evil from others, even those closest to them. Nothing is as it appears with a narcissist. The narc may at times actually convince themselves that their fake outer noble and positive persona is genuine, but that narc is usually well aware of the game they are playing and the lies told to keep everyone around them guessing, in the dark, and most importantly under the narc’s control. Yes, many an outsider can’t fathom why the target of a narc can’t react to a breakup like everyone else. The outrageous behavior of the narc and totally calloused and gleeful approach they take by purposely doing emotional damage in that seemingly normal breakup is known only to the victim. Outsiders are told that the target is the crazy and irrational one and the cold demeanor of the narc seems to show that the narc is in fact the rational one. But again this is only what it appears to be on the surface to those who have never conceived of the depths of depravity that covert narcissists sink to. So what exactly and precisely are those narcissists crimes? Well, before we engage in this discussion let’s take the advice of the Bible and look in the mirror, realizing that it is far easier to spot the splinter in another person’s eye and be ignorant of the log in our own. Yes, the target wasn’t vigilant, was too willing to believe in the narc, didn’t scrutinize or simply believed in the good of that narc despite the numerous verifiable lies that were told. Surely most of what that narc was presenting to their confidant and best friend and intimate partner was true, wasn’t it? Well sadly, only later does the target find out that no, almost everything that narc was presenting to the target was a lie. The narc, their persona, everything they said and did with regard to the victim, including every promise made, every future event planned, and every commitment made was mere posturing and game playing because that narc is the epitome of a fake, phony, fraud. The poster child of charlatanism. We tend to call the victim of the covert narcissist an em path and that is a good description since it defines a person who does want to put themselves in another person’s shoes and understand. The narc, of course is drawn to this and plays the perfect victim in the form of the lost waif looking for a savior or the misunderstood rebel that is really soft and vulnerable on the inside among many other ploys. Yes, that feigned vulnerability and need to be understood draw the em paths like flies. Of course the em path is not a perfect person as the narcissist is quick to point out in the devaluation phase of the relationship. Yes the em path’s faults are embellished, fabricated, magnified, even warped by that narc, and without a doubt some of the narc’s criticisms are spot on, but that is beside the point. The em path is only a human being and flawed, just as every other human on earth is, but that em path was genuine. That can never be said for the narcissist. More importantly, the em path took many of those criticisms to heart and tried to improve upon themselves. Why? Because that em path actually took the relationship seriously and had an actual goal of trying to build a harmonious, peaceful relationship that could last a lifetime. Yes, people pleasing and putting up with a partner’s nasty behavior isn’t necessarily the right thing to do and that is one of the areas the em path failed. The greater problem with the em path is that they simply couldn’t get themselves to heed the obvious red flags in their partner. That em path never truly scrutinized the narc’s inconsistent stories and brushed those lies off as white lies. After all it became obvious very early on that calling a narc out on their lies got them nowhere anyway. But the em path chose to see only the good in that narc and chose to believe in them. Yes, that was a function of love and love can be and maybe even should be partially blind if two people are to ever bond and get along peacefully. The problem was not expecting that same leeway from the narc. But the em path’s lack of scrutiny and willingness to believe the narc early on was the major miscalculation. Yes the em path’s lack of scrutiny, wanting to believe was a major blunder. But let’s be clear, the narc purposely hid all of their duplicity and treachery from the victim at the beginning in the idealization phase and then slowly…


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